It’s Not Them
My response = Power + Grace
It can seem we’re surrounded by often well-meaning though clumsy, blunt, and sometimes rude communication. The power isn’t fixing them—it’s what we do on the receiving and giving ends.
I admit it, I still catch myself evaluating how someone else could have said or done something differently to be more effective. As a subject matter expert, it’s part of why people hire me.
But sometimes that lens sneaks into my everyday life.
When it does, I end up holding people hostage to what they don’t know. “If they would only have said ‘this’ instead of ‘that’…”
And while I’m busy critiquing their delivery, I risk missing something valuable—insight, connection, or a chance to practice what I teach.
Recently, a well‑intentioned colleague offered me some unsolicited advice. I noticed how quickly I put up a wall and dismissed what he said. Almost immediately, another thought followed:
“You’d get your point across and have the impact you want if you said ‘this’ instead of ‘that’.”
Had I said that, I would have been doing exactly what he had just done to me.
Attacking the attacker only creates more resistance.
We don’t often call unsolicited advice an “attack,” but without permission it can feel like one. A quiet, “You don’t know what you’re doing,” underneath the words.
There’s a better way.
The world is full of people who communicate awkwardly, bluntly, or in ways that feel intrusive or unwanted. I can evaluate and judge them—or I can spiral in and turn the moment into connection.
On the receiving end, I could:
• Thank the person for caring enough to say something.
• Consider if I am oversharing my thoughts creating an unwanted opinion.
• Ask how they came to their conclusions.
On the giving end—especially when I feel the urge to offer advice (even when I’m hired to do so)—I can:
• Ask if they’d like a reflection or input.
• Acknowledge their situation first.
• Clarify the intention of our relationship.
In my experience, reading this advice isn’t enough—executing it takes support and practice. Consider joining me to make “Spiral” your default - the blue button below!
The next time you feel resistance building or defensiveness rising, pause for a moment. Before you judge… think Spiral with Power and Grace.
New dates for:
